Seriously, WTF is wrong with me…

Sometimes I forgot how lucky I am. Sometimes I take things for granted. Sometimes I don’t realize that things in my life could be SO MUCH WORSE than I think they are. And they really aren’t all that bad. Not at all. Realistically, my life is pretty normal, fairly average. It has its share of crap, but it’s normal crap, nothing that should ever cause me to seriously think “Mother of God, how will I survive this?” They are little inconveniences, that just about every average American like myself has to deal with. I, however, have been know my whole life to make mountains out of molehills.

Then I read something really sad. About a man who has had a form of Non Hodgkins lymphoma for 12 years. I don’t pretend to know anything about that, but according to him, it is not a curable disease. I think I did know that. So 12 years ago, he was handed a death sentence, but with no definite timetable. How bad does that suck? The not knowing, the frustration of having something in you that is going to kill you and nobody can do anything to make it go away. Here he is talking about it and going through life with as much normalcy as possible, all the while enduring doctor visit after doctor visit, co-pay afer co-pay, month after month after year after year, and I freak out when my insurance premium goes up $355?

I am Queen Asshole. Nice to meet you. Call me Drama for short.

Then! Even worse, last year, this poor man finds out his wife has myeloma. Which I also know absolutely nothing about. Other than it is very, very bad and it hurts and nobody can make it all go away either. Oh – and I should say HAD, because she passed on June 1. He still has two children to raise. And he is still non-curable.

Could you even imagine? I cannot.

All of the things that upset me, that throw me off-kilter, that cause me to spaz out and not make any sense and act mean toward the most important person in my life are nothing. NOTHING. And I read about this man and his wife and I realized that and I need to try really hard to remember that I have it pretty good.

Pretty damn good.

I’m sorry. And I love you. And I remember now how lucky I really am.


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